"Thought leadership" has lost a bit of its cache. It's also rather confusing. What IS thought leadership?

I don't know, but I know all true thought leaders do three things: Make assertions, make judgments, and make predictions.

Assertion: I think X is true.

Judgment: X is wrong.

Prediction: I believe X will happen.

The problem? When I give this advice to my clients they often feel anxious. And when I inquire, they tell me the anxiety comes from a fear of being wrong... but that’s not it.

The real fear? It’s the fear of being disagreed with. Publicly.

And that's totally understandable. Disagreement can feel like an attack on your credibility, your authority, or even your identity. But here’s the thing: there's no leadership without disagreement.

The goal is not to avoid it, but to engage with it thoughtfully and confidently.

As a student of philosophy, I was trained to respectfully disagree—what academics call 'debate.' In that time I learned that disagreement isn’t something to fear, but something to embrace.

When done well, respectful disagreement pushes ideas forward and clarifies your thinking.

So in this article, let’s explore how you can respond when someone disagrees with you, and why it’s not just about defending your ideas, but growing through the process. We'll discuss a mindset shift, 3 principles, and one framework.

Mindset Shift: You Might Be Wrong

One of the hardest shifts for any leader is embracing the possibility of being wrong. The minute you make an assertion or judgment, even a prediction, someone is bound to disagree. And that’s okay! When you walk into every conversation assuming you might be wrong, you open yourself up to growth, learning, and a more productive dialogue.

This doesn’t mean abandoning your beliefs. It means holding them loosely enough that you’re willing to examine them critically. The moment you adopt an attitude of curiosity—"What can I learn here?"—the fear of disagreement diminishes. You’re no longer defending your ego; you’re exploring an idea.

This shift in mindset from “defend” to “explore” is liberating. Instead of seeing disagreement as a threat, see it as an opportunity to sharpen your thinking. It’s a powerful change in perspective that moves you from fear to confidence.

For more on this mindset shift, read Adam Grant's latest book Think Again.

Key Principles for Thoughtful Responses

When faced with disagreement, it’s important to keep a few key principles in mind to ensure that your response is both thoughtful and productive. Here are three principles that will help you navigate disagreements with confidence.

1. Steelman the Other Person’s Argument

Instead of immediately trying to dismantle the other person’s viewpoint, first, make their argument stronger.

This is what's known as "steelmanning," a term popularized by philosopher Daniel Dennett. It means articulating the other person’s argument in the strongest possible form before responding. This practice shows respect, builds rapport, and fosters a more productive dialogue.

It’s the opposite of the “strawman” fallacy, where you weaken the argument to make it easier to tear down.

For example, if someone says, “I don’t think that networking is worth the time investment" and then rants for a while, instead of jumping straight to your defense of networking, you might say, “I think I understand. Networking can feel like a huge drain on time, especially when it’s hard to see immediate benefits. Is that what you’re getting at?”

You can even help them, by providing an even stronger argument for their perspective that they might not have even considered. To which they might respond, "Exactly! See, you get it."

The more thoroughly you steelman their argument, the more room you'll earn to respectfully disagree and push back. It's intellectually honest, generous, and collaborative.

2. Embrace “I Don’t Know” as a Valid Response

There’s a lot of pressure to have all the answers, especially in leadership roles. But admitting when you don’t know something is a powerful way to disarm disagreement. It takes humility to acknowledge when you’re uncertain, and that humility often makes others more receptive to your overall message.

Saying, “I don’t know” doesn’t signal weakness; it signals openness. It creates space for further exploration and shows that you’re committed to finding the best answer, not just defending your existing position.

However, it’s crucial to follow up on your response. Saying, “Let me look into it and get back to you” only works if you make good on that promise. By returning with a thoughtful answer, you not only resolve the disagreement but build trust and credibility in the process.

This approach buys you time to think, research, and respond thoughtfully instead of reacting on the spot.

Modern philosopher and skeptic Matt Dillahunty explored the power of saying "I don't know" on my podcast. Listen to his episode here.

3. Ask Open-Ended Questions

Disagreement can be tense, but asking open-ended questions shifts the tone from confrontation to curiosity. When someone disagrees with you, your instinct might be to prove them wrong. Instead, ask them to elaborate on their perspective. Questions like, “What led you to that conclusion?” or “Can you give me a specific example of that?” invite dialogue instead of debate.

Asking questions encourages the other person to reflect on their own reasoning, and it gives you more information about where they’re coming from. It also demonstrates that you’re interested in their perspective, which helps defuse tension and opens the door to a more meaningful conversation.

And if you're ever in doubt, just say, "Tell me more about that." Then go quiet and let them talk!

Framework: Align, Challenge, Expand

When it’s time to respond thoughtfully, I recommend using the A.C.E.™ framework to guide the conversation: Align, Challenge, and Expand. Let’s break this down.

Align

First, you need to establish common ground. Acknowledge where the other person is coming from. Even if you disagree, you can often find a shared belief or value that helps to start the conversation on a positive note. This step isn’t about agreeing with their point—it’s about recognizing that their perspective is rooted in something real.

For example, you might say, “I see why you’re thinking that, especially given [their context].” This shows you’re paying attention and considering their perspective seriously.

Challenge

Next, introduce a new way of looking at things. You’re not telling them they’re wrong, but you are offering them a different lens to view the issue. Sharing personal stories, examples, or evidence can challenge their position without confrontation. It’s about offering a path to consider alternatives.

For example, you might share, “In my experience, I used to think the same way until [situation or event] made me realize something different.”

Expand

Finally, give them a reason to move forward with a broader perspective. Guide them to a new understanding by helping them see how an expanded view might serve them better. It’s not just about changing minds, but about encouraging growth.

For instance, “What if instead of thinking of it as [their belief], we could see it as [a new perspective]? That shift could help us both get closer to [a shared goal].”

This approach doesn’t shut down conversation; it invites exploration. Align with their values, challenge respectfully, and expand the conversation—these steps keep dialogue open and productive.

If you’d like to dive deeper into this framework, check out this article where I explain the A.C.E.™ method in more detail.

Go Thoughtful, Not Small

Disagreement isn’t something to avoid. It’s something to engage with—and thoughtfully.

By adopting the mindset that you might be wrong, using principles like steelmanning your opponent’s argument, and using the A.C.E. framework to respond, you’ll navigate disagreements with both confidence and humility.

So the next time someone challenges your ideas, lean into it with curiosity, confidence, and thoughtfulness.