“Long-term change is not something we can do to people. It’s something we create the conditions for, so they make that change themselves—because it feels like their choice, not ours.”
— Tamsen Webster (October 10, 2024, livestream Q&A with Brian Miller)

In 2009, Ben Kaufman set out to change the way inventors bring products to market.

His company, Quirky, promised to democratize the invention process, letting everyday people submit ideas for new products. If enough people voted on it, Quirky would develop and sell the product.

It was a revolutionary idea, and for a moment, it seemed like Kaufman had cracked the code. Thousands of ideas flooded in, and a few even made it onto store shelves, like the popular Pivot Power power strip.

But the excitement didn’t last. Despite raising over $185 million in funding, Quirky collapsed and filed for bankruptcy in 2015.

So, what went wrong?

Answer: The same things that go wrong for most people on a mission to create change. And last week, I sat down with one of the world’s leading voices on creating change that lasts.

Say What They Can't Unhear: The 9 Principles of Lasting Change

Last week I had the incredible honor of sitting down for a livestream Q&A with my friend Tamsen Webster to discuss her latest book, Say What They Can't Unhear.

Tamsen is the idea strategist for the legacy conference TEDxCambridge, now TEDxNewEngland. She is also the author of modern classic Find Your Red Thread, and affectionately known to us in the industry as "The Idea Whisperer."

In this article I'm recapping some of the biggest insights from our conversation about how to create lasting change.

Insight 1: The Biggest Myth About Change

One of the biggest misconceptions about creating change is the belief that it’s something we can do to other people.

As Tamsen put it in our conversation, “It’s always possible to get someone to do something once or even short-term, but many of the things that require that action to sustain depend on things that happen internally.”

Quirky’s early success came from driving action—thousands of people submitting ideas. But as Tamsen explains, action alone isn’t enough. Without creating internal motivation and ownership, that engagement faded, and the platform collapsed.

In other words, you can get someone to act in the moment—a quick “yes,” a purchase, a standing ovation—but that’s not the same as creating real, lasting change. True change happens when people internalize it, when their way of seeing the world shifts, and when the new behavior feels like their choice, not something you imposed on them.

Insight 2: The Limits of Persuasion

If you’re thinking this sounds like a book on persuasion, I wouldn’t blame you. But Tamsen was quick to clarify: Say What They Can’t Unhear isn’t about persuasion in the traditional sense. It’s about how we inspire internal motivation that drives long-term change.

Persuasion tactics—things like stacking questions, using psychological tricks to get a “yes,” or pushing for immediate action—can work in the short term. But today, people are more aware than ever of when they’re being manipulated. And when they sense it, they don’t just reject your idea—they reject you as the messenger.

The lesson here? Don’t rely on short-term persuasion tricks to force a result. Instead, focus on helping people connect your idea to something they already believe or want. That way, the change you’re advocating for feels natural, aligned with their existing values, and sustainable.

Insight 3: Cognitive Inertia: Why People Resist Change

Another key concept Tamsen brought up was cognitive inertia. It’s the mental version of physical inertia—we’re hardwired to hold onto the beliefs and behaviors we’ve always had because they require the least friction. Change, by definition, creates friction, and that’s why it’s so hard to get people to adopt something new, even when they want to.

Tamsen explained it perfectly: “We hold on to the beliefs we already have because it’s easier. It’s like physical inertia—our minds are resistant to change, even when we want it.”

Quirky’s model didn’t account for the cognitive inertia of its users. Submitting an idea was easy, but the friction came when inventors realized they weren’t being supported through the rest of the process. Without a way to reduce that friction, many inventors didn’t continue beyond the initial submission.”

So how do you overcome cognitive inertia? Not by pushing harder, but by creating an environment where the new belief or behavior feels like it fits into the person’s current worldview. The less friction they feel, the more likely they are to embrace the change.

Insight 4: You Can’t Want It More Than They Do

At one point I asked Tamsen, "Which of the 9 principles do you find most difficult to accept, even though you know it's true?"

Tamsen immediately pointed to Principle 8: “You can’t want it more than they do.”

It also happens to be my favorite principle in the book. This is where so many of us fall short when we’re trying to inspire change. We’re passionate about our ideas, we know the value they bring, and we think that if we can just communicate that excitement, others will get on board.

But here’s the reality—no matter how much you believe in your message, your desire can’t substitute for theirs. If they don’t feel an internal pull to make the change, it won’t stick.

I learned this lesson the hard way:

How to create wedding magic

Early in my career as a magician, I spent years trying to convince couples at wedding expos to book me for their big day. I thought if I just dazzled them with enough magic and showed them how much their guests would love it, they’d sign the contract on the spot. But time and time again, no matter how much they laughed and loved the magic at the booth, they failed to follow-up by booking me.

The breakthrough came when I stopped focusing on my excitement and started framing the magic in terms of what they wanted: connection. I reminded them how their guests—family and friends from different sides—would be left to mingle awkwardly during cocktail hour, and positioned my close-up magic as the solution to bringing those guests together, giving them a shared experience that made them feel like one family by the time the reception started.

Suddenly, I wasn’t selling magic tricks. I was offering something they truly valued. Something that, in Tamsen's words, "they can't unwant."

And that’s the key—until your audience sees how the change you’re offering connects with something they already want, and are likely to keep wanting, it won’t take root.

Insight 5: Identity Is the Greatest Influencer

At the heart of creating lasting change is understanding identity. People don’t adopt new ideas because you’ve convinced them they’re good ideas. They adopt them when those ideas align with who they see themselves as—or who they want to be.

Tamsen emphasized this during our chat: “Identity is the greatest influencer. People don’t just adopt new ideas because they’re good ideas—they do it because it aligns with who they want to be seen as.”

It could be argued that Quirky missed this key element of long-term change—it didn’t align with how people saw themselves. The innovation platform treated its users like one-time contributors rather than empowering them to see themselves as lifelong inventors. Without that identity shift, their engagement was short-lived.

If the change you’re asking for conflicts with someone’s identity, no amount of persuasion will work. But if you can connect your idea to how they want to be seen—smart, capable, good—they’ll be far more likely to embrace it. This is why it’s critical to understand your audience’s identity and motivations before trying to drive change.

You can create lasting change

At the end of the day, creating lasting change isn’t about quick wins or short-term persuasion. It’s about designing the conditions where people feel empowered to adopt the change themselves, in a way that fits their identity and worldview. This is the core of what Tamsen and I discussed, and it’s the key to making your ideas stick.

So the next time you’re trying to inspire change—whether in a client, an audience, or a community—remember that lasting impact comes from creating an environment where people can choose the change for themselves.

Purchase her new book, Say What They Can't Unhear: The 9 Principles of Lasting Change here.

Watch the livestream replay

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